Up: [[Swords]] Created: 2022-11-03 Updated: 2026-03-28 > [!leaf] In Brief > Heartbreak, emotional pain, sorrow, painful insight, harsh reality ![[3 of Swords 1 (art).webp|400]] > [!Leaf] What Matters > Sorrow and suffering can be temporary if you allow the pain to be present and yourself to experience it. Allowing promotes inner growth and transformation, while denying leads to bitterness and cynicism. There’s interesting research from psychologist Edward Teyber who says that difficult emotions often come in clusters of three, with the one we’re most comfortable with taking the lead so we don’t have to experience the others. For example, we may often respond to a situation with anger because it’s easier for us than feeling sadness and shame. Or sadness may be in the forefront because we learned that anger is unacceptable and we feel guilty when we experience it. > [!leaf] Symbolism ![[3 of Swords - RWS.webp|200]] Notice that although the heart is pierced by swords, there is no blood. This suggests that the pain is an old injury that has been hanging around too long! Also there is no human figure on this card, which author Jessica Crispin suggests means the pain has become abstract to the person suffering it because it has been around so long. The three swords may suggest either three past traumatic events, or the three difficult emotions mentioned in What Matters. It’s the only card in the RWS deck to show rain, which is an indication of tears of sadness, but has, from ancient times, also been seen as a bond between heaven and earth. > [!Leaf] Actions 1. Work with emotional pain, rather than burying it. Express sadness or anger physically or creatively. I find that [[Expressive Art Ideas for Emotions]] are really helpful. 2. See if you can shift your thinking. Can you find two or three other ways to look at the issue differently, and do those other ways suggest new solutions? 3. Focus on forgiveness, not just of the other person, but of yourself for holding on to the pain for so long. Mary O’Malley has a nice definition of forgiveness. She says it is *about letting go of struggling with what has happened in our lives. It is about allowing things to be as they have been so we can move on.* — p. 58 in *The Gift of Our Compulsions* 4. Journal or freewrite in response to any of this long list of quotes. > [!orbit] Angela Blount > Everybody’s damaged. It’s just a question of how badly and whether you’re healing or still bleeding. > [!orbit] Stephen Levine > We are motivated more by aversion to the pleasant than by a will toward truth, freedom, or healing. > We are constantly attempting to escape our life, to avoid rather than enter our pain, and we wonder why it is so difficult to be fully alive. > [!orbit] Sarah Hackley > Sometimes falling apart is the bravest act of all. > [!orbit] Vironika Tugaleva > Temporary pain, excruciating pain, is the price of healing. > [!Orbit] Brennan Manning > In a futile attempt to erase our past, we deprive the community of our healing gift. If we conceal our wounds out of fear and shame our inner darkness can neither be illuminated nor become a light for others. > [!Orbit] Laura Davis > Although healing brings a better life, it also threatens to permanently alter life as you’ve known it. Your relationships, your position in the world, even your sense of identity may change. Coping patterns that have served you for a lifetime will be called into question. When you make the commitment to heal, you risk losing much of what is familiar. As a result, one part of you may want to heal while another resists change. > [!Orbit] Marcel Proust > We are healed of a suffering only by experiencing it to the full. > [!orbit] Amy Greene > It’s not forgetting that heals, it’s remembering. > [!Orbit] [[Rumi]] > If you desire healing > Let yourself fall ill. > Let yourself fall ill. > [!orbit] David Richo > Our wounds are often the openings into the best and most beautiful parts of us. > [!orbit] Viktor Frankl > There was no need to be ashamed of tears, for tears bore witness that a man had the greatest courage, the courage to suffer. > [!Orbit] Maureen Murdock in *Unreliable Truth* > When a writer has the courage to host a painful memory, she has the opportunity to make sense of the suffering and confusion it entails. Suffering clarifies identity and connects us with our deepest selves. The expression of suffering, in any form, is often accompanied by shame. But all feelings need expression, and the insights gained from describing a particular passage in life gives us the opportunity to grow as human beings. It is the act of writing rather than the writing itself that provides an opportunity to heal. The compassion, regard and deep respect we grow for ourselves and each other is what creates the shift. (p. 76) > [!Orbit] Joanna Macy > The heart that breaks open contains the whole universe. > [!Orbit] [[Sharon Blackie]] > Feel the grief and the loss; feel the despair, or the rage. Even if you fear it, stay with the dark anyway. Don’t fight it; don’t try to manage your way out. You will simply postpone the inevitable, and it will come around again. Don’t fear the dark: it’s a natural part of the journey. The most beautiful butterflies emerge from the darkness of the cocoon: the finest plants push their way out of the deep, rich fertile soil. Out of the darkness comes strength and focus. There is always another rebirth. But it always begins in the dark. Be still. Listen. Let yourself disintegrate. The journey is about piecing yourself back together.