Up: [[Compulsion]] Created: 2025-07-16 In [[Is Healthy Perfectionism Actually Healthy?]], I questioned psychotherapist Katherine Morgan Schafler’s assertion that seeing only the unhealthy end of the perfectionism spectrum provides us with an excuse to avoid healing. If we were to focus on healthy, adaptive [[Perfectionism]], what do we need to heal? It turns out that the answer is — get ready — nothing. If we were capable of fully embracing [[The Paradox of Perfection]], we’d recognize ourselves as whole, perfect just as we are and completely deserving of all good things. Of course, that doesn’t happen. We’re perfectionists which, by definition, means that we spend as much, or considerably more, time hanging out in the maladaptive end of the spectrum than we do in the positive end. Many of us are determined to substitute change for healing, working relentlessly to eradicate what we don’t like about ourselves. See [[Perfectionists Want Change, Not Healing]]. Schafler’s response to this is assertively clear — *Making technical changes in your life is just rebranding dysfunction.* (p.149 of *The Perfectionist’s Guide to Losing Control) So how do we heal? We do it by becoming our full selves. That’s why there are no instructions and it is a never-ending process. Each of us has to sort out who we are, from who we are not. This is brutally difficult, painstaking work that requires us to first recognize that we are comforted by both “good familiar” (adaptive) and “bad familiar” (maladaptive) responses, but we can so easily tilt to the bad familiar side, especially when we’re stressed, *because doing so doesn’t look like slacking off; it looks like working harder.* (p.152) Schafler provides examples of “bad familiar” responses. For a brief descriptor of her five perfectionist types, and a link to her online quiz, see [[I'm a Messy, Procrastinating Perfectionist]]. - Parisian perfectionists work even harder to do more for others, neglecting their own needs. - Intense perfectionists put in even more hours, sacrificing rest and courting burnout. - *Procrastinator perfectionists plan to make a plan about learning how to best make a plan.* (I had to quote this one directly because this describes me and there is just no better way of saying it. p. 152) - Messy perfectionists keep changing up their top priority goals. - Classic perfectionists over structure their every waking moment. Once we’re clear on what’s “good familiar” and what’s “bad familiar,” we need to consciously, deliberately and repeatedly select the former. To get better at doing that, it helps to understand one of the major obstacles in our way, the oh-so-fun [[Role of Self-Punishment in Perfectionism]].