Up: [[The In-Between Times]] Course: Fool's Journey with Karen Wallace on Jung Platform Created: 2023-03-21 ### A Time I Risked a Change and the Transition Felt Positive Starting to work with Helen (Jungian analyst) was a major risk. I’d had a bad experience in a previous short-lived therapeutic relationship, plus I was still exhausted from my burnout and didn’t relish the thought of driving to Port Perry every week. At the same time, this was a very positive risk even before I started. I’d always been interested in Jungian psychology but never felt that I had the time or money to pursue it. I love the interconnectedness of Jung’s work, the sense of being a student of the world. And that positive sense has not only persisted but deepened by a magnitude of thousands. In Helen I found an analyst who really knows her stuff, knows me, and is intuitive and flexible in providing me the support or challenge I need at any given moment. Being in depth psychology hasn’t just changed my life, it has given me a life. I pulled a Tarot card in response to this first risk, asking “What more do you have to tell me?” [[1 - Magician]]. My immediate, intuitive response is a beaming smile. Keep going, Karen. Keep exploring, keep creating, keep staying open and alive and vital. ### A Time I Risked a Change and the Transition Felt Negative or Traumatic The one that comes to mind is the most recent experience with the library board. I risked trying to get the board and the librarian to work according to policy. The backlash from the new librarian was horrendous, especially after she conscripted two members of the board who were prepared to believe her every word, even as at the very same time they seemed to be accepting my refutations of her lies. The situation would have been hugely traumatic if I hadn’t had people helping me through it. It changed my life because, perhaps for the first time, I’d done everything right through the process and I saw that it didn’t matter. I couldn’t blame myself for what happened, which is what I always would have done in the past. It confirmed for me that my authentic self really is like my birth card, [[9 - Hermit]]. I don’t want to be on boards. I don’t want to volunteer or to earnestly try to build friendships in this town just because I feel that I ‘should’. And I am much, much more comfortable now with allowing myself, encouraging myself to be who I am. The card I pulled in response to this second risk, asking “Is there still more healing needed? What do I need to heal?” – [[2 of Pentacles]]. My intuitive response is not at all what the card means. I’m using Tarot of Mystical Moments and the card shows a woman standing on top of a skyscraper balancing an infinity symbol above her head. She’s doing it effortlessly, one foot up in the air. I read this as me needing to keep remembering the big picture, the idea that this experience was a small blip in my life and while it leaves me with a wound, the wound can’t be allowed to become a disability, a permanent and limiting part of me. ### My Current Position on Risk Karen Wallace’s point is that without risk, we become stagnant. We lose spontaneity and we disconnect from the flow that is so necessary to living a creative life. Risk scares me. I worry that taking risks will take me back to burnout, will mean that I have to do things I don’t want to do, like be on a board, volunteer my time, get involved in a bunch of social activities. But I’ve just this minute clued in that I’ve got an erroneous view of risk. All of the risks I’m worried about are ones that would take me back into my old life. Of course I would resist that. I’ve moved past that old life! When I ask my [[0 - Fool]] energy how it wants to live in me now, what sorts of risks I need to take in order to be more playful, more in flow, those risks are the ones that I really want. I want to explore more in the mystical, esoteric and Jungian fields that so fascinate me and, the risky part, I want to be open with people in communicating my interest in those topics, without fear of how that interest will be received or how I will be judged. I want to make lots more art, both visual and written. The risky part is to be a conduit for my art rather than the planner. I want to love my body and lose weight. The risky part is losing my protective shield. I want to be more open. The risky part is feeling my feelings, and the possibility of being rejected. I want to be true to myself, not focus all of my attention on wondering what others think or being what they need me to be. The risky part is maybe I'll need [[The Courage to Be Disliked]]