Up: [[Compulsion]] Created: 2025-07-14 I’ve been circling this topic for the past week. I learned that [[Perfectionism]] exists on a continuum from maladaptive or unhealthy to adaptive or healthy, but the adaptive end is usually ignored. I wondered [[Is Healthy Perfectionism Actually Healthy?]] and learned that, yes, adaptive perfectionism has a lot going for it, especially and most important to me, in its relationship to [[Flow]]. But I’ve been reluctant to write this note because I know from experience that all of the cautionary [[Quotes - Perfection]] are there for a reason. We perfectionists don’t live in the adaptive camp 24/7, we move between adaptive and maladaptive, and we all know the pain of the maladaptive state. The fact that perfectionism doesn’t apply to every aspect of our lives sometimes just shines a spotlight on how bad it can feel for those areas where it does. However, the striving can also feel great. In her wonderful book, *The Perfectionist’s Guide to Losing Control*, psychotherapist Katherine Morgan Schafler writes, *Perfectionism invites a deep, unending exploration of who you are and what you most desire from this life.* (p. 35) I can’t imagine, and wouldn’t want, a life without that quest. It’s when I feel most alive, most vibrant, most me. At these times, my perfectionism is a strength, not a weakness. I feel that last sentence in my gut. Prior to reading *The Perfectionist’s Guide*, I never once saw my perfectionism as a gift. I always thought there was something wrong with me when I watched beer commercials and Hallmark movies where people were gathered on the porch or dock of a magnificent cottage, relaxed and happy. I didn’t know that I simply have a different approach to well-being than those people. My idea of fun is to do things that increase meaningfulness in my life so that I can realize my true potential (a Eudaemonic orientation), not to be constantly happy (a Hedonic orientation). > [!Orbit] Katherine Morgan Schafler in *The Perfectionist’s Guide to Losing Control* > You don’t heal by changing who you are; you heal by learning how to be yourself in the world. (p. 44) It’s time to work with my perfectionism, not against it. This means, among other things, defining success on my own terms, not those proffered by beer commercials, Hallmark movies, and social media. It does not, however, mean allowing my perfectionism to run amok. There’s work to be done in not just identifying times of maladaptive perfectionism, but in actually moving away from those times in favour of adopting the protective factors of adaptive perfectionism. So, yes, perfectionism can be a gift… if we consciously respond, rather than react, to situations as they arise.