Up: [[Hearth Notes]] Created: 2026-01-02 Updated: 2026-01-13 ## Friday [[2026-01-02]] #### Spark Card At the start of every decan I pull a tarot card which I refer to as my spark card. I do some research on the card’s energy — what it’s about, what sorts of actions I might take related to it, what journal prompts I will respond to, and how it might show up as shadow. I hold the card in mind throughout the decan and write about any resonances in my daily note. This decan’s spark card is [[4 of Swords]]. It’s a perfect card for me at this time of year. The winter has always been a time when I’ve wanted to embrace the deep rest and contemplation that accompanies, in my mind, hot cocoa, a roaring fire, and snow mounding up outside. But as much as I love the image, I don’t tend to live it. I hope to this decan. #### The Voice of My Heart This collage card really appealed to me when I made it. But it was my friend Joanne who, when I shared it with her, put words to why it appeals. She said, *The voice of our heart is in our hands. The only thing we truly have control over is our self-expression.* ![[CC 2025-12-28 - 1.webp|300]] _________ ## Saturday [[2026-01-03]] #### Healing Dreams [[Dreams]], even the challenging ones, aren’t “gotchas.” They are always intended to help restore psychic equilibrium Last night I dreamt of David, who is in long-term care suffering from dementia and aphasia. David was a mentor and a friend, an intelligent and warm-hearted man. It is heartbreaking to know that of all the dreams and plans he and Maureen had for the future are not going to ever come to pass. After we both retired, David and I used to meet every few months for lunch and an afternoon’s chat. Those meetups stopped 6.5 years ago when I moved, just a little bit before his wife saw signs of dementia in David. In the dream, I’m meeting David for several breakfasts during a conference we are attending together. He’s ever so slightly confused but still mostly himself. I wake grateful for the opportunity to be with him again. #### When I Refuse to Surrender Although it has been a perfectly fine day, one where I did all of DOGS CODE (see [[Devotion Elaborated]]) as usual, I was tired of working in my vault. I didn’t let up, didn’t surrender to the tiredness as I should have, and as the [[4 of Swords]] would have me do. As a result, I felt impatient, bored, fed up with the work. I still didn’t let go. The next step was predictable — getting careless with food, wanting sugar for a quick energy hit, and swapping a can of Sprite for the three plus litres of water I’ve been trying to drink every day. It’s hard to not engage in a bit of self-flagellation when a [[Compulsion]] takes over. #### Energy Balls These little snacks have been a life saver when I want sweet, but am trying to avoid processed sugar. - 1c medjool dates, soaked for a few minutes to soften - 1c unsalted cashews or almonds - a touch of sea salt - optional but I use it — ¼ c cocoa powder Blend in a food processor, shape into balls, and keep in the fridge. ___________ ## Sunday [[2026-01-04]] #### Embodiment In my mind, the word “embodiment” has been all caps, billboard size, neon- light surrounded for years. Ever since I started working with Helen (Jungian analyst), I’ve known the importance of being in my body, and the danger of continuing to act as if it’s simply a vehicle for carrying around my mind. And because of that, I’ve made embodiment a huge and fearful thing. I read a Substack post this morning that echoed the hugeness. The author was doing daily 35 minute guided breath work meditations followed by cold plunges. Really? Not only can I not imagine myself doing that, but I have absolutely zero interest in ever trying. I worked with a personal trainer for years and I’m glad I’m done. It’s just not how I want to spend my time. Fortunately, I’ve finally (as in, today) realized that embodiment, like everything else I’m doing this year, can be and should be as simple as taking the next step. That was confirmed when I looked at [[Embodiment - Ground Curriculum]] and realized that there’s nothing huge or overly complicated in any of the actions. Every day I’ve been feeling that I’m not doing enough embodiment work, which is the G (Ground) in my [[Devotion Elaborated]] image. But every day I am doing *something* and that is so much more than ever in the past. And I’m feeling the difference, especially in the self-trust that is developing. Today I did a few minutes of breath work, taking five breaths in through my nose, then five out through my nose, thinking of what I’m exhaling and leaving behind from 2025. I did this a bunch of times and found it nicely calming. _____________ ## Monday [[2026-01-05]] #### Thank You Note to Exhaustion Suleika Jaouad is the author of the wonderful *Book of Alchemy*. I’ve paid for her Substack publication this month so that I can follow her January journaling prompts. The one today was particularly powerful, and very on point for the [[4 of Swords]] contemplation that often follows the deep exhaustion of burnout. The prompt was *Write a thank you note to something that exhausted you.* I’m not in burnout any more, thank goodness, but in reviewing my vault notes over the last couple of months I can really see that I have exhausted myself in an obsession over excess weight release. Note: I always refer to it as release, not loss, because what’s lost often gets re-found. I’ve now written a long thank you note in my personal vault and I feel an inner shift and softening of my aggressive attitude towards my body. This was the photo Suleika shared in her post. It was painted by John Singer Sargent in 1911 and is called Nonchaloir (Repose), but to me it’s a great portrayal of flat out exhaustion. ![[Repose John Singer Sargent.webp|400]] ___________ ## Tuesday [[2026-01-06]] #### Don’t Mail It In I love that I haven’t broken the chain. Since December 27th, I’ve successfully done *something* in all eight areas of DOGS CODE, earning my dog sticker each day. Today, though, I was in danger of mailing it in. I have a lot happening this week and am feeling the [[Tension of Opposites]] between the retreat, rest and quiet contemplation of the season and particularly of this decan’s spark card, [[4 of Swords]], and working with passion on my vaults and in the LYT community. Taking minimal steps in DOGS CODE is perfectly fine, so I’m accepting the minimums I’m doing. However, I’m very aware that it’s not just about doing things. It’s about the attitude, the presence I have while doing them. That’s what has been taking a hit and likely will continue to for much of this week. ## Wednesday [[2026-01-07]] #### Laughter Makes Such a Difference My friend Malaika takes word play to elite Olympian levels. The interchange she had with John in our LYT community space won’t make sense without the long build up and context, but suffice it to say that Malaika’s AI photo of Sherlock Humplock had me gasping with laughter when I saw it and every time I thought of it all day long. Finally an enjoyable AI moment! ![[Dromedarystalker.webp|300]] Laughter is always appreciated; in an especially busy week, it’s oxygen. ## Thursday [[2026-01-08]] #### What’s My Responsibility to Community? I live in a small town of maybe 5000 people. When I moved here six and a half years ago, I wanted to contribute to the community so I joined the board of the public library. I was on that board for several years but it ended up being a draining and heartbreaking experience. I’m currently chair of the town’s Heritage Advisory committee. I’m working hard, I’m doing a good job, it’s an excellent committee, but when my term is up at the end of the year I’ve already told town staff I don’t intend to continue. I was approached this morning by someone who has asked me if I’d be willing to go on the board of the local Shakespeare Festival. I’ve said “no” to that too. I don’t enjoy being on committees, even good ones. I have a worker bee mentality so I always end up coming up with all kinds of great new projects for the committee that I end up executing. But I don’t actually want those sorts of commitments at this stage of my life. I want more [[4 of Swords]] time, more [[Hestia]]. Is that selfish? Communities need people who are willing to work. My aunt in Scotland did so much volunteer work over so many decades taht she was honoured by the entire *country*, not just the city of Glasgow where she lived. At this point I’m feeling that I *should* be continuing committee work beyond the end of this year. Fortunately, I’ve learned to listen for when I use the word ‘should’ and to recognize it as a sign that I need to do the exact opposite. So I’m saying “no” to committees. But I know that as my end of term draws closer, the pressure to continue will increase and I’ll need to revisit this. ## Friday [[2026-01-09]] #### Constraints in Art It’s true that [[Even Expressive Art Needs Direction]]. I was in the mood this morning to make something, but had no idea what. I like the ease of the “make a mark, then make another one” philosophy, but often find it overwhelming. Today, I helped the process along by giving myself constraints. I pre-selected a minimal palette of acrylic colours, and limited myself not only to those colours (no mixing allowed) but to the quantity of each colour that I’d poured on to the palette. This was my mark-making result. ![[Art 2026-01-09.webp]] It was pleasant doing this, but not unremittingly so. There were moments where I wondered what the heck to do next and moments where I thought it was terrible. Still, I’m happy with the results. I like the colours and it is interesting. I would have given up on it if not for the constraints that made the process into a game. ## Saturday [[2026-01-10]] #### I Broke the Chain and It’s Okay To the end of yesterday, I’ve had 14 consecutive days of doing everything in my [[Devotion Elaborated]] icon, happily giving myself a dog sticker at the end of each day 😁. It’s a silly little practice, the dog sticker part, but satisfying. Plus I know that I need more silly in my life, so I’m okay with it. Today I quite deliberately broke that chain and that, also, was surprisingly satisfying. I spent an hour chipping ice away from the back patio and parking pad. I took Toffee for two walks because it was a balmy +8C after weeks of negative double digits. And, most of all, I spent hours finishing the first round [[Embodiment - Ground Curriculum]] to publish here in Profound Journey. There’s lots more I want to do in the curriculum but that means reading more of my books and watching more of my online courses. I’m setting myself the challenge of doing that and finishing the curriculum by late March. I think breaking the chain was actually a good idea for me. I’ll build a new chain in the coming decan but there was a danger that if this one went on too long, my [[Compulsion]] for perfectionism would kick in and I’d either be obsessive or toss it aside as too restrictive. ## Sunday [[2026-01-11]] #### 4 of Swords Recap When I wrote up my [[4 of Swords]] research page, I said that this card was about “rest and self-care because you need it, not because it would be a nice thing to do when you have time in the future.” I said it “can appear when burnout threatens, reminding you to step off life’s treadmill for a bit before it throws you off.” And yet I was hoping that it would just be a card of pleasant rest and contemplation for me. No biggie. Wrong! Well, right for the first day and then wrong! By day two I was complaining that I was tired of working in my vault but was pushing on. The whole decan carried on like that — times that were wonderfully restful and contemplative contrasted by times that felt just like the decades of my work life. I’m pleased that I did more art than I had anticipated doing and I’m happy with the substantial progress I made on things that were important to me. I’m also happy that I’m *aware* of the times I’ve been teetering on the edge of burnout. Actually, I don’t want to call it burnout. That word is being used now to describe a week or two of low mood, whereas for me, burnout was an unending living death. I know so much more than I used and won’t ever let myself go into burnout again. This decan has given me some good reminders of the behaviours that took me there, and I’m grateful that I’ve been awake enough to hear them. Now I just need to be consistent in heeding them. I can do that.