Up: [[Creating a Body of Work]] Related: [[Intentions]] Created: 2024-06-03 Updated: 2026-02-05 ![[Tiny Haven Retreat Salt Spring.webp]] Salt Spring Island, British Columbia 2:40 p.m. I’ve napped. I’ve made most of the jigsaw. I’ve painted. And I responded to my body’s desire by walking to Fraser Road, down the trail to the ocean. I sat there for a while. I clambered over rocks coated in slick seaweed to get close to a waterfall. I love waterfalls. I painted, wrote about, and when by the ocean thought about, this holiday, this retreat time. There is an old part of me that feels the time should have been ‘perfect’ eating, perhaps even fasting. And an emotional storm of a decade’s worth of tears. And a manifesto written vowing lockstep perfection from this moment forward. An old part of me that saw, and sometimes still hopes for, a perfection that could be both achievable and desirable. But, I am very relieved and happy to say, the new vast majority of me is super happy because I have lived the manifesto, aka permissions list, that I set down before coming here. Permission to be in the moment, responding to it, listening to my body, being gentle, having fun. And I have done all of that. I’ve done breathwork and guided meditations. I’ve walked to the ocean several times. I’ve eaten when I’m hungry and exactly what I wanted to eat. I’ve napped when I’m tired. I’ve fallen asleep instantly and woken just as instantly. I’ve done SIBAM a few times and listed words for a poem. I’ve bought a few things but haven’t gone at all crazy. I’ve eaten some baked goods, but haven’t gone at all crazy. I’ve sat and done nothing. I’ve chatted with waitresses and shop keepers and artists. I’ve navigated rocky and wet trails. And — super important and exciting — I have found the art that puts me into [[flow]] state. I feel comfortably confident simply sketching what I see then applying colour and words. I know that I will get better and better at all of it the more that I do it and I’m looking forward to that. But if I never get even one millimetre better, I’d still be loving this art practice, this way of documenting my life. I look forward to it doing it many days when I am home. ![[SS Holiday 2.webp]] The thing I want to work on and have been working on while I’m here but it needs a lot more, is memories of things from the past where I made a mistake or feel shame, guilt or regret. Like Jim’s Barrie House, which continues to haunt me. I want to move forward with my life. There is no point wallowing in regrets for actions I cannot change. There is no value in beating myself mercilessly for being human and therefore imperfect. There is no value living in either past or future. Neither of those times actually exist. So I have a new practice. When those old things occur to me and make me cringe and startle, I will say to myself, “Old. Let it go.” And I will try to do that. If it doesn’t work, I’ll do SIBAM or art or journaling or poetry or a mini-essay or some other body work or breathing, and I will release it that way. There is no reason life has to be a struggle. My life is amazingly wonderful. I will be grateful and appreciative of that by being present so I can see the magic and mystery. And by accepting, loving and caring for myself exactly as I am. I finished the jigsaw puzzle. One piece is missing. Imperfect. Like me. Like everyone.